What I do remember is waking up. I remember waking up to walls as blank as my mind with my body drenched in a sickness that hang from my head to my stomach to my toes. I remember that a good day meant no new holes in the wall, broken glass or bruises and bloody scrapes. I remember getting into my car, while shielding my eyes from the light, only to discover that I had finished a pint of whiskey on my way home from work and the constant reminder of my inebriated decisions every time the bottles under my seat clank together at a red light. I remember not knowing, questioning and wondering. I remember shaking, craving and recovering, just in time to tear it down again. I remember many drinks and many I do not. But most of all, I remember the taste. Not the bitter, sweet or tangy taste of a strong wine. Not the light, refreshing liquid foam from a chilled mug. I remember the taste of regret and disappointment every time I came-to, only long enough to realize that I wanted to go away again.
At some point in your life you have to make a decision. Are you going up or are you going down? Just over 1 year ago I came to this point in my life and realized that if I didn’t get sober, I would be going down a very long, dark and lonely path. I have come to recognize that there are so many forms of addiction and so many people fighting a battle that is unique to them. For me, it was simply an addiction to alcohol that overcame my competency and cost me relationships, mental and physical health, and overall well being. Dependency took over my life as I filled my body with toxic substance, thoughts and energy, morning, noon and night. The cycle never stopped until the day that I decided to make the choice to finally live a sober life. After many months of consciousness, I became a firm believer in divine intervention. My graceful, loving and caring Bianca came into my life and opened my heart just as I was on another quick trip to Rock Bottom City. We pledged to stay sober together and there were times that I failed at first, but the day that I finally made the connection that my life would simply be brighter and more beautiful without alcohol was the last day that I picked up a drink. On Saturday, May 30th we celebrated one year of sobriety together and made an even more beautiful commitment: one to each other. My fiancé, soul mate and sweet love has pushed me to be a better person and together we are learning so much about life, love, each other and ourselves. Our poetry series called ‘Sobriety CH 1’ was inspired by our journey together; just simple thoughts, words and feelings that are a form of us and our path to self-improvement. We have so many things to celebrate over a sparkling grape drink and this is truly only the beginning. Some days are easier than others and this is nothing short of a lifelong battle, but it will be a humbling, life-saving and righteous one at that.
Twenty-three million Americans struggle with addiction and substance abuse problems. Chances are you or someone you know is fighting for their life or the life of someone they love. Know that you are NOT alone and there is community, recovery and light at the end of the tunnel.
Bless up and be good to one another,